my suicide letter
By the time you received my letter I might be buried six feet underground, ready to be gorge by insatiable and minuscule underground-species as my soul serenely trail its final destination. Another dimension may open new doors for my new journey, yet my heart ardently calls for your compassion to publish my letter and hopefully be read by the ones I convey its very quintessence.
I grew up in a life others might be yearning for. A luxurious life surrounded with all the lavishness this world can flaunt with. I always find myself getting validated on decent board. Finding my way to outshine beyond the elite circle and push my scintillating shadow on the upside spiral. My whole being from head to toe has been bestowed with so much sumptuousness creating a spawn of avant-garde reflection. But at my very core I crave for something life hasn’t bequeathed me, the parental love care and affection.
I might be the luckiest and auspicious person in this world for having the most magnificent parents. His ingenuity and exceptional strategy are the things that contributed a lot in his journey towards the acme of success. Despite the intense competition in terms of innovation, he still manages to survive a pitched battle where there is a deep personal antagonism. Lots of people under his supervision really look up to him and strenuously emulate every single attitude he owns. But unfortunately he didn’t witness my pilgrimage as I grew up into a man who really yearns to follow his footsteps and eventually be as successful as he did. Never did he asked me what are my plans in life, what I want to carry through, how do I visualize myself in the mere future nor did he discern how do I look like lately. He have been busy endowing his whole point of convergence and time with his work not knowing that somewhere around our flamboyant chateau domicile someone heartrendingly beg even a jot of his personal time. This has also been the reason why mom decided to spend most of her time with her circle of friends. I’m not egotistic neither am I lunatic. I just feel so much dejected and restrained because I wasn’t able to feel the warmth of my mom’s love and care.
Yes it’s true that I’m partly asinine, dunce and ignoramus for I cant seem to realize what my parents really work for. With so much money in the bank, your world may be a splendid and marvelous place to live in. But I honestly do not enjoy and need this material and earthly possessions. What I long for and what I really pray to have is the parental love, care and affection that parents can bestow their child. One day I woke up penetrating the entire enigma in my abstruse mentality. I found myself disoriented. Next thing I knew I was a member of our campus’ fraternity. With them I found amity, sense of belongingness and elevate myself to existence. The brotherhood we established gave me a temporary remedy to evade the pain I kept inside. No dull moments, no avenue for loneliness and no time for any superficial repugnance. It was with them I learned how to use the forbidden drugs that left us soaring high. During those times I felt like the sky was within reach. We eventually tried taking different soporific thing for once you get into drugs, the tendency you are to look for another kind of drugs which is absolutely better than the last you’ve taken. I came to the extent of engaging myself to sexual trips, having sexual intercourse with other members. Sometimes we’ll go on a sex orgies and fire up in same sex activities. It did give me a transient pleasure. Yet, all of a sudden, something at the back of my mind pester me. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The apple of discord that I’ve been evading delivered me to the reality that it isn’t working. My parents eventually found out what I’ve been through. At the height of my anticipation regarding their reaction on what they have unearthed, it was a big surprise that they called me. Ironically, everything I counted upon to take place was transposed to something I got sated with. Instead of castigating me with what I’ve done in my nebulous life, they left me with nothing to hold onto. Increased in my allowance, a brand new porsche, a condo unit along the nightlife avenue and flying ticket abroad are the things they offered me in exchanged of the nuisance they get from me. And so as not to be intrude on their personal careers. I was totally bombed out with what I’ve heard.
Every christmas passes by spiritless, my graduation never became so significant, never did they remembered my birthday and never did I heard any piece of advice from them. But as plain as day, she couldn’t still understand the situation I’m going through. Her innocent smile give me the clue on what she really want to utter. It’s really hard to monopolize this grief. I feel that I can no longer make it. Sometimes I ask myself on why do we have to live in this world if the end we will only come to one direction called death?. Why do we have to endure all the pain? Why do we have to keep all the anguish? Why do we have to experience all the things you dreaded to face? Conceivably, you will only find the answer to all these questions when you face your final fate.
Dad, Mom, I know you have tried your best to give us everything we wish for. But what you’re giving us is not certainly what we really need. I’m sorry if I have to leave you for a while, but I know somewhere in time we’ll meet again. And if that perfect scene will come, I hope you wouldn’t be busy anymore. Don’t let my sister Lara be a pariah of your busy world. Take good care of her and yourselves. Tell her I’m sorry if I can’t watch her perform in her ballet lesson. Hope you can make it on that day. Can you do it for me? To all my friends, thank you for letting me feel that behind my besieged universe there’s someone I can lean on to. But don’t let yourselves be ruin by what you have engaged with. Hope you could still say you’d miss me even though I’ll never exist in this natural world anymore. I can no longer make it. I have to go now. Thank you and GOODBYE.
